One Door Closes and Another AmbassaDOOR Opens

(I’ll stop with the terrible puns in my titles one day, but not today)

I still can’t believe it. I was at home dealing with the news that I WASN’T picked for an influencer contest that I had applied for. Even though over 50 of my friends and family voted (and I can’t thank them enough for even taking the time to do so!! Love them all so much) I didn’t make it. I wasn’t devastated , but I was hurt.

When I looked at the semi finalists I started talking to myself so badly! “Why would you ever think you could compete with the likes of them?” “They’re definitely better at this than you”

But then….I look at my email again and instead of a rejection email; I opened this:

I immediately started crying, half because it had been such a shit day even outside of the rejection email, and also because it’s been a long time since I’ve been shown so quickly WHY something I thought I wanted wasn’t given to me- because THIS opportunity was waiting right around the corner!!!

I spent hours one evening making a submission video to be a #SheaMoisture brand ambassador. I’m not great with editing, so it took me FOREVER but I finally got the video down to one minute. I went to the website to submit it only to find that the requirement was a 30 SECOND VIDEO. (insert mental breakdown) I spent hours AGAIN editing down until I got the video down to 30 seconds. I submitted the video but I didn’t feel great about it.

Idk who was reviewing the videos but out of the hundreds of people that submitted videos I was one of the lucky ones picked to me a Shea Moisture Sheabassador for 2019!!

This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for to be able to create more, experiment with my hair more, engage more. THIS IS IT! I worry so much about the what if’s and I get so down on myself for not being able to do certain things that I even talk myself out of even starting, but I feel like God placed this in my lap the exact time that he did because IT’S MY TIME!

I’m so excited to be a part of this. Stay tuned!!! And if you’re not already, be sure to follow along on Instagram to see all of my posts with Shea Moisture!!!

– K

YOLO….So go solo!

(Are we still saying “yolo”?……no?)

As the years go by, you may notice your friend circle looking more like a little square, or a triangle, or shit maybe just a dot; that’s OK! Good friendships are hard to find, and even harder to maintain. For me, having a smaller social circle can be a challenge at times, especially when it comes to experiencing one of my favorite past times; CONCERTS! If my friends aren’t hanging out with me, they’re usually busy doing something else or….they have no idea what artist I’m talking about. (This is what I get for having two BFFs whose favorite music is Gospel and Motown Oldies)

For the first few years of living in the city, I just missed the shows when artists I loved would come into town until one day I was like, you know what, fuck it- I’ll just go by myself. The first concert I ever went to solo was Adele (I almost didn’t go…literally had to have someone talk be back into going hours before because I was SO scared) but it was actually AMAZING!!!

I was surprised to see that the girl right next to me was by herself too. After the lights were off, it didn’t never matter if I came with someone or not. I’ve gone to about 10 concerts over the years by myself and over time I’ve pretty much gotten it down a science. Here are a few tips I’ve learned to fully enjoy the solo experience.

  • TICKET BUYING
  • Since you’re going by yourself, no need to worry about waiting until your friend buys their ticket, or having to buy multiple tickets and getting paid back (or not, ugh), OR having to worry that so-and-so doesn’t like standing room only and etc etc. Get a seat wherever YOU want.
    • GET THERE EARLY
  • (This only applies if the venue has standing room only and you actually WANT to be in the front, of course)
  • If you want to guarantee you’ll be able to get a good view; it’s best to arrive early- even if that means you have to sit through the opening act and you have no idea who it is. I’ve actually been introduced to a LOT of artists that I never heard of that way. Most likely, the opening act will play music similar to the main act so you just might like it. I won’t lie though, sometimes they’re shit, but at least you’ve got your place. If you go to the same venue often, you may even figure out you have a favorite spot! Like for me, at 9:30 Club; I don’t want to be anywhere but the balcony- I get there super early so I can make sure I’m right in the center of the balcony so I can see EVERYTHING. Which brings me to my next tip.
    • USE THE RESTROOM/BUY MERCH/GET YOUR DRINKS AND/OR FOOD BEFORE YOU CLAIM YOUR SPOT.
  • Again, this doesn’t apply if you have assigned seats, obvi. You totally have the option of asking someone next to you to “save your spot”, but they also totally don’t have to, or maybe they’re by themselves, too and a big group may bum rush the space- believe me it happens. Usually I just make it up in my mind that wherever I find to sit/stand once I get there- that’s where I’m gonna be until the show is over.
    • MAKE SURE YOUR PHONE IS CHARGED
  • There’s a lot of waiting around before the opening act and in between sets. If you’re anything like me, I’m super shy so I don’t feel like just starting up a conversation with a stranger. So make sure you have your phone handy to scroll IG or read an article or something while you’re waiting.
    • WHEN THE LIGHTS GO DOWN; NO ONE NO LONGER GIVES A FUCK
  • It’s the BEST feeling at the start of any show when after all of the waiting and mulling around and awkward small talk, the lights go down and everyone simultaneously goes CRAZY and takes a big inhale waiting for the first song. After that; you’ve made it because literally no one gives a fuck about what you’re doing. No one there, even if you’re in a stadium of 50,000 people will care if you dance weird, if you sing off key, if you cry (I’ve cried at a Mitski concert- it was totally fine!) because they’re ALL doing the same thing with you!!
  • Just imagine what it’s like to be in a space full of people who know all of the words to the same songs as you do, go wild when the artist brings out a deep cut from years ago that’s an all time favorite, and lifts their hands at the same time or bangs their heads at the same time because that heavy ass bass drop that basically makes the song that we all knew was coming was just dropped LIVE!

    As an added bonus, try going to see an artist more than once but for the second time around; watch the show WITHOUT live streaming it to your social media every 5 minutes. It’s a completely different experience. I’ve done it for one artist and I’d definitely do it again. You don’t realize it, but having your phone out most of the time during a concert really takes away from you actually BEING there. Who CARES about the people on your feed not seeing a video of it- they should’ve bought a ticket 😉

    It may seem intimidating but trust me when I say I have anxiety about being in certain social situations- and it REALLY isn’t bad!! Why miss out on experiencing something simply because no one will go with you?

    This is a picture of the most recent concert I went to; Leikeli47. She tore it the fuck DOWN!!!! I’m so glad I went!!

    P.S. Uh….but if you guys have any tips on how I can get over my fear of going to bars or restaurants alone let me know!! ((Nervous sweating))

  • It’s More Than “just water”, Trust Me. (My Wash Day Routine)

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    You know that meme that’s like “When people ask me how I get my hair like this” and the  picture is a drop of water. Like, no fool!! Water makes natural hair snap back, sure- but people want to know EXACTLY how, step-by-step.

    Soooooo….HERE it is!! My step-by-step wash-n-go routine using solely Cantu products. I do use other products from time to time, but if you’re anything like me you know that trying a new line is EXPENSIVE and also-not guaranteed. So why fix what ain’t broke, right? I tried to take as many pictures as I could during the process- even in the shower (I stepped out of the shower butt ass nekkit with water in my eyes to take a picture of my hair for you guys…you’re lucky I love you) but there will also be a lot of description in text so be sure to read it all 🙂

    PRODUCTS USED

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    CANTU BEAUTY: SHEA BUTTER 

    CLEANSING CREAM SHAMPOO

    DEEP TREATMENT HAIR MASQUE (2 PACKETS)

    LEAVE-IN CONDITIONING REPAIR CREAM

    MOISTURIZING CURL ACTIVATOR CREAM

    MEGA-HOLD STYLING STAY GLUE GEL

     

     

    The first thing I do when I get into the shower is completely wet my hair. When it’s wash day; since I’m lazy and don’t like doing the whole: shampoo, condition, get out, wait an hour, go back in routine; I wash my hair before I wash any part of my body. I can’t stress it enough- I don’t even let the water hit my body before I start wetting my hair because I want the products to be in my hair for as long as possible. In the shower, I only use the products you see below; the shampoo and conditioner packets. The only thing I don’t have pictured is a wide tooth comb that I used for in-shower detangling.

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    So I wet my hair completely and then I use the shampoo. Most of the time, I only apply the shampoo once, let it lather up really good making sure I’m only using the balls of my fingertips- is that the right term? Finger balls? The pads of my fingers to massage my scalp and get rid of any build-up. I used to use my finger nails to scratch away and my friend who is also a hair dresser was horrified- it breaks your hair at the root!!!! So if you haven’t been shampooing your hair like this before- START! It feels weird at first but you’ll get the hang of it. I focus my attention of the shampoo to my scalp/roots, not so much the shaft of my hair. Rinse out COMPLETELY until when you ring out your hair the water is completely clear.

    Next step is the deep treatment hair masque. OverProject-2.jpeg

    1. I use two packets because I have a lot of hair, but if your hair is shorter you may be able to use one. I apply the product root to end with my hands. You’ll find that this product is very thick so keep that it mind when you start detangling- it won’t be that easy to comb through. I use my wide tooth comb and I part my hair down the middle-ish
    2. DETANGLE DETANGLE DETANGLE!! This is my least favorite part I think, but its the most important. The longer I wait in between washes, the worse it is, but I still wait longer and complain every time. lol. Anyways..I start with a small section and work my way up from the end of my hair to the root. It’s a SLOW process. You don’t want to rush or start pulling the comb to the point that your head is being pulled because that means you for sure are breaking strands of hair. If you need to add some water on your hair- do it! The main rule of detangling is that as soon as you feel resistance- STOP- go a little lower and comb out a little more to make it easier for the comb to go through. Don’t tug on the hair if you feel resistance, use small comb-throughs to loosen the hair naturally instead of ripping through the knots. P.S. you’ll still have a shit load of hair that sheds- don’t worry. Shedding is natural.
    3. That is how my hair looked with the conditioner in BEFORE DETANGLING
    4. That is how my hair looks AFTER- all nice and detangled 🙂 My arms hurt

    Now that I have the conditioner in my hair and my hair is detangled- NOW I can wash my body! I do it this way so that the conditioner stays in my hair for a while. And when I tell you I do EVERYthing!!??…I wash my body, use an exfoliating mask for my face, I shave- everything (you know….that full body shave you do JUST IN CASE you have sex that night…that kinda shave) all in all; I usually keep the conditioner in for 15-20 minutes before I wash it out. WASH IT OUT COMPLETELY WITH COLD WATER. I rinse off my body and then change the temp to cold for my hair. If you can maneuver your body like me, the cold water won’t get on your body too badly. It’s annoying and honestly I have no idea why they say to do it, it’s some scientific shit I guess- just do it.

    Now that my shower is done, I get out to apply the products that actually keep my curls in tact. My set up looks like this:

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    I have my styling products, a towel to dry my hands because I wash my hands between products for each section, and my good ol wide tooth comb. BTW this is the same comb I use to detangle in the shower. I have two because I’m lazy and I like to have a wet comb and a dry one.

    The first product I’ll use is the leave-in conditioner. I part my hair into 7 sections (four in the back, three in the front) before I apply the last two products. First, I part the front, into three sections, applying the leave-in from root to end and then twisting each section to retain the moisture. (I have low porosity so my hair dries fast during this process. If I tried to apply all of the products at once, half of my hair would be dry before I could even get started on it) Here are some pictures of how much product I use for each section and what the sections/twists look like:

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    So for the final two products, I take out one section/twist starting with the back ones (for the simple fact that it’s hard to see the back of your head if you start with the front first and your hair is now hanging in front of your eyes like a wet dog. lol) I take about a….I don’t even know how to describe it bc it definitely isn’t a “quarter-size”……I take like a dollop of sour cream-sized amount of the curl activator and rake the product through my hair from root to end and I continue raking and detangling until the section is completely   saturated with the product and I see the individual curls formed. This is all done with my hands, not the comb.

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    Then (this is where the towel comes in) I wash the product off my hands completely and use a small amount; like an inch?? of the styling gel. I rub it on my hands kind of like lotion so its all over both of my hands and I place one hand in front of the section and the other behind it and press/slide the product onto my curls, kind of like praying hands…does that make sense? Since the curls are already formed the gel is just used to solidify; maybe a scrunch at the end but that’s it. Then you can move on to the same steps for all of the other sections.

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    !!!!THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!

    I like a side part, so I have to part my hair from the very beginning when I put my hair in twists, otherwise it’s hard to make one after my hair is styled. It’ll get all frizzy and won’t lay right. Also, after I let my hair completely air dry, I break the seal. Which means once my hair is dry and feeling kinda “crunchy” I run my hands over it, pulling it a little to “break the seal” of the gel. It makes my curls a little looser and give it more body. Annnnd that’s about it! I hope this was easy to follow and if not, I WILL make a video soon. See below for more pictures of how my hair looks on the first, second, and third days after the wash. (I pineapple at night, dasssit!!)

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    Dating Apps…You’re Doing it Wrong; but So Am I

    New year, new dick, right? (Whatever, that’s my motto) So; in my attempt to get over the last asshole by getting under a new one (that sounded wrong but you know what I mean)- I’ve decided….against my better judgement and EVERYTHING I’ve said I was wasn’t going to do anymore….to go back on the dating apps.

    Within a week I find myself OVER IT because it’s just dozens and dozens of the same profiles. I see the SAME people on all of the apps and I’m like

    This guy is ALWAYS on here! He must be completely insane—wait, BITCH HE PROBABLY SAYS THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU!!

    Maybe I am undateable. I admit it. It’s not rocket science. You know how there are girls who ALWAYS have a boyfriend? I’m the one that NEVER does. So I can admit that I may be the problem- but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my pet peeves. Here are a few…

    Let me preface this my saying that many may have to deal with typos but I DON’T CARE! Proofread your words! If you’re unsure of something- Google it! I do it ALL THE TIME. Literally, even for easy words like maintainence…I mean maintenance.

    • “I’m cool, calm and collective” – you mean COLLECTED
    • I’m easy going and down to earth”– literally every human being on earth claims this same thing.
    • “I’m looking for a women who…” – no
    • (Insert a NOVEL about all of the dating situations and personality traits they’ve hated in the past) – NO. I’m not saying we don’t all have our pet peeves. But take it to a blog like me; to people who actually care to read it- not on your profile so potential daters will see tons of negativity.
    • Pictures taken holding a bottle of liquor, or stacks of cash– If you can’t manage to have pictures of yourself when you’re NOT holding a bottle of Hennessy; I already know we don’t have anything to talk about. It’s childish. You look irresponsible, and what YEAR is it?! Get a bank account and use a debit/credit card!
    • Wearing the same outfit in every picture– You can be as cute as you want in that ONE outfit but I’m not swiping. What is this, your only T-shirt? And before you tell me I’m being dramatic; I once went on THREE dates with a guy and on the first and third dates he wore the EXACT. SAME. OUTFIT…..I can’t.
    • One picture– Catfish capabilities
    • Group PicturesBruh…who even ARE you?! I do not have time to play detective with the process of elimination to find out which one is you. And 99.9999997% of the time…..!!!!!! The friends look better than the person it is!
    • Pictures of guns– Do I even have to say why this is a no go. All I can think of me pissing you off one day and you blowing my head off. No thanks!
    • Pictures with ANY female– Now look….I don’t care if it’s your sister, your cousin, your ex your coworker, some random at a bar I don’t wanna see it! Some people even have the NERVE to post pictures of them with girls and they cross out the face. I swear if y’all ever see my body and my face crossed out on any mans profile you better tell me ASAP so I can read him to filth! Who am I kidding- I don’t even date guys long enough for them to take pictures with me. And if the girl IS a family member/friend/non factor; cute but leave it off the profile. I’ll play the “is this someone I have to worry about” game after we meet.
    • Misuse of ANY/ALL of the following:
  • They’re, their, there, here, hear, won, one, are, our, to, too, two.

  • Mistakes happen, I get it, but it doesn’t take very long into reading a profile when you can tell that the person honestly doesn’t know how to correctly spell. I’m far from a genius. I don’t even know how to multiply big numbers without using a calculator, but if I feel dumber just by reading a paragraph you’ve written theirs a problem. (Jk :-P)
    • Dick prints– Why? If it’s big I mean Ayyyyyeeeeee :-PPPPPP !!!!! But still…why?
    • And finally….the fuckboy mission statement:
  • I’m just trying to chill with a cool person and see where things go.

  • THISSSSSS RIGHT HERE?!!!!? I hate it. I hate it sooo much. Why?! Because it doesn’t say anything. Men say this and they’re not saying ANYTHING. It shows no intention, no purpose, no end goal. Nothing.
  • Ok, so what about my profile do I think makes me undateable?….

    • I’m overweight -Let’s just call a spade a spade. Before you read any profiles you go off of looks. And yes while there are men out there who love full figured women; it’s a select group. Most men will swipe on what’s more widely appealing.
    • I get bored easily-I’ve been on dating apps since what? Like 2009?!! So I actually HAVE heard it all before. I know that you can’t get to know someone without asking and answering the “getting to know you” questions, but most of the time as SOON as I get asked “So, what do you like to do for fun?” I’ve already checked out. ((Maybe I should just write a big paragraph about what I like to do for fun and copy and paste it every time))
    • I’m pretty sure I kinda probably don’t want kids. And I don’t think I want yours either.

    This is probably the thing that makes my pool of men to choose from so small. I’m 33, and yes I totally get that most people have kids by this age, but I don’t. Does it mean that I’m penalizing men for having children, no. But I also don’t think that I should have to change my wants and needs for MY LIFE because I’m still single at 33. I can’t stress this enough that I’ve been single FOR. EVER. so when I find “my person” the number one thing that I need is ATTENTION! If you’re a great father which I hope men out here are, you can’t give me the type of time and attention I need and also give attention to your kid(s) without one of us feeling like we’re lacking- and that isn’t fair to anyone.

    AND…as far as me bearing children; let me just paint a picture for you to understand why I’m currently at a NO on this subject. I can’t even find a man who can call me back when he says he’s going to…who can have a conversation about a committed relationship without stuttering…who is emotionally stable enough to express how he feels without falling off the face of the earth only to randomly resurrect weeks later with a “hey” so……NO, I’m not even THINKING about getting pregnant and having a tiny human to look after for the rest of my life ALONE. No….thank you.

    In conclusion…..I have no advice. I have no idea how to navigate the dating app world that I find myself in over and over again. You’re fucked. So am I.

    Battling the Bulge, Week 1

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    I can’t fit into my clothes. Even my “fat clothes” are snug. This HAS to stop! So, again, I’m starting this year out strong by joining a gym and meal prepping as if I have even a clue about wtf I’m doing. Smh…But anyways, as promised, here’s how my first week went.

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    Friday– First Day. Breakdown. It always happens when I join a new gym. I’m overweight, so its terrifying. I decided to just do 30 minutes of cardio and high tail it out of there. Within 5 minutes of being there I realized what I realize EVERY time I join a new gym……….NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT I’M DOING. Not in a bad way, but why was I so scared…nobody cares.

    Sunday– One of the reasons why I chose this particular gym is because my best friend is also a member. We worked out together today. It was tough, but fun. He didn’t let me do many modifications from what he was doing. He’s not easy on me, which is good. One of his more encouraging comments went something like;

    “C’mon, I know your moose legs can push more weight than that!!”

    Monday– (The following is my internal dialogue from Monday, the first time I had gone to the gym straight from work)

    Ok..let’s do this…..wait….I have to change my bra… how do I….do I just take it off?….but what do I?……its crowded! Do I just…..? My back fat! Maybe I can go into a stall- I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! UGH WHY DIDN’T I JUST CHANGE AT WORK- oh……she’s just whipping her titties out like that?…..ok…(disrobes) 

    Tuesday– solo cardio. Someone at the front desk asked me if I had a good workout and I awkwardly said yes. I realized then that I haven’t made eye contact with a single person in here since I’ve started coming Friday. 

    Wednesday– alone again, sad, I hate being new. I’m awkward. I know I look a mixture of sad/angry walking around here. (Strictly from locker room to treadmill to locker room) but I’m just scared. I feel like I look like I don’t belong here. I just want to fast forward to two months in; when I have a favorite machine and at least one person that I smile at or say a word to. I hate this feeling. Oh…and then THIS happened.

    (Idk if that link works- still figuring out WordPress. Just check out my Instagram if it didn’t)

    Thursday– Total mood shift. This is personal. I took off my Fitbit mid-week. It was kind of dramatic but I felt like I didn’t want anyone seeing what I was doing. Don’t invite me to your “work week hustle”- I’m too focused on beating my own numbers from the day before to worry about anyone else’s. I have plans in the afternoon but I still want to get a work out in- so I’m doing some at home cardio. It was hard, and I wasn’t around people so I could finally do what I’ve been wanting to do all week. Cry. Because shit should NOT have to be this hard. Why do I ALWAYS DO THIS?!? WHY AM I ALWAYS STARTING OVER??! But even though it was hard as hell, I still managed to do this…

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    This makes a total of 5 days of exercise. Not bad! None of this was easy. And if I’m honest- not much of it was enjoyable either. I still feel fat and ugly. And my gym anxiety hasn’t gone down even a little bit. 

    Saturday- I thought of every excuse I could think of to NOT go to this Soca n Sweat class today (that I already paid for). But once the day came I told myself to just suck it the fuck up. Skinny bitches are out there getting it; CURRENTLY!!, while I’m sitting here all sad and down because I have all of these chins and this pouch. Yet I don’t want to do the work; it’s stupid. So I went. And I’m so glad I did. One because to know me is to know I lllloooove Soca and dancing so it was absolutely AWESOME! It was like a fete with 10-12 strangers, but who cares! I put my Fitbit on, only when I walked out of the door and when I looked at my numbers when I was done with the class I was SHOCKED!! 

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    Not bad, right?! That’s what I’ve been missing all week-fun. This isn’t something I can do every day; definitely not since I just locked myself into this gym for a whole year…but hopefully I can find fun at the gym as well. I just have to get the whole….you know, talking to people and using machines when I’m alone and maybe acting like a normal person first. (insert eye roll)

    This was a long post. Don’t worry, they won’t all be long like this. I just wanted to actually tell you how my first week went. I won’t be updating every week, but I will post another one soon. Hopefully my waist will be smaller and my self confidence will be higher.

     

    2019…Let’s Do This Shit

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    Got Goals?…

    I sure do. I set them every December 31st, and I can honestly say that I have never EVER accomplished them. I want this year to be different. It has to be. I mean, seriously…how long can I walk around this earth with 17 chins.* (*exhibit A, below)

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    This isn’t a self deprecating post. Let’s refocus…

    My goal this year is that I want to be in control of three things;

    1. My monthly budget
    2. My weight
    3. My happiness

    Shit just isn’t fun when I feel like I can’t afford a tank of gas because I just HAD to have that shopping day for things that I’ll wear but one time. It’s also not fun when I’m out of breath trying to put on my seatbelt with a winter coat on. I swear, one day I’m gonna clip my side fat with that seatbelt buckle and be PISSED’T! Let me try to say this without alienating myself or sounding like a complete narcissistic asshole…

    I’m too cute to look like I don’t care about myself. 

    Why am I feeding myself like I could give two shits about my life?! …Like I don’t know about diabetes, or that I don’t currently have hypertension….Like I don’t notice how my self esteem has decreased. I’m out here screaming about how I want men to treat me like a princess; meanwhile, I treat myself like Cinderella… PRE glass slippers and birds making her the dress and shit. It’s completely contradicting.

    I want to be happy, healthy, and STABLE. So first things first…I got a really pretty planner to get more organized and some new kicks for this brand new gym I just signed my life away to.

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    I’m not gonna bullshit you and write about all of my weekly plans and what workouts I’ll do because I honestly have NO IDEA what’s about to happen. What I can say is that I’m going to the gym for the first time on Friday, and I promise to update this blog in February TWO WEEKS. Let’s see how much damage I can do by then.

    “He’s a fool.”

    The words flew out of my best friend’s mouth with such conviction that I KNEW she believed them. But why don’t I?

    (by the way, we’re ignoring the fact that I’m the best procrastinator on the planet and I haven’t posted since my introduction a year ago….cool? cool!)

    So I’m sitting in my car, crying to my friend over the SAME guy, who’s done the same shitty things over and over until my heart finally broke. I was crying those hot, painful tears because I’m angry at myself for letting this happen to me again, even though I knew that it’d happen anyway. Did I honestly think that I could be with someone who laughed at the idea of marriage, and didn’t want the responsibility of protecting my heart, and never looked at his credit score because “it was bad anyway”?

    And STILL, I’m crying because all I can think about is what I’m missing out on; his achievements I won’t see, his smile, his laugh…and in my devastation my friend can so easily say;

    WHO CARES??!? He’s missing out on YOU. 

    And he is. But I need to figure out how I can see what my friend sees. When you think about your friends..like your BEST friends who love you; they truly don’t give a shit about the person that you’re dating. Sure, if they treat you nice they’ll tolerate them and be happy for you if they make you happy, but the MINUTE they start to show any fuckboy or fuckgirl tendencies they write them off- BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU. YOU are their priority.

    If I really….I mean REALLY loved myself, I wouldn’t allow myself to feel as though I’m the only one losing something when a relationship ends.

    This is what I need to work on.

    Oh, and I guess every post needs a picture or two, so here are a few pix of my cheering squad ❤

    Friends

     

     

     

     

    Who TF am I?

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    This post is long overdue. This PAGE is long overdue. Even as I’m typing this I’m thinking;  “Will anyone even care?” but fuck it–KIYAH, KEEP GOING! (Do you talk to yourself as much as I do?)

    I AM…a 32 year old self proclaimed hot ass mess, whom; despite my complete lack of readiness and downright, I don’t want to do this shit…ness (?) have been thrown into adulthood even though I have no idea wtf I’m doing here.

    I AM…a makeup junkie! It started out as something I did as a replacement for painting and drawing after college, but more and more people have started to notice, and I realized that this hobby of mine was turning into actual talent. Fast forward to present day…..I walk into Sephora and 5 minutes later leave $200 poorer and wonder where I my consciousness went for that short period of time because I have like two lipsticks in my hand. Why couldn’t I have picked up a cheap hobby like paperclip collecting or some shit?

    I AM…Natural! If you had asked me 3ish years ago if I’d let go of my relaxer I would’ve said hell no! But it was weird; after a few months of growing out my hair without straightening chemicals I realized something….uh…CURLS ARE FUCKING AWESOME!!

    I AM…making this blog because I have a LOT to say; sometimes in words,mostly in rants which I’ll post on here. I also have a ton of things that I want to accomplish professionally and personally and I think it’ll be cool to have a record of it all. Oh…one more thing…

    I AM…a Jersey Girl that’s been living in the DC Metro area for 8 years, so I say fuck a lot.